The road of life
by Asarin159
Summary: It's almost unbelievable how one second, one decision can change my whole life. Take me to the path i didn't expect. Path with many strugles, full of anger and sadness. But in the end i didn't regret it. Because this decision led me to him. Bella/Paul


AN: Hi. This is my first story. I wasnt sure if i should post it but here i am. I am new to writing so every idea, or help, or positive critism is welcome. But no flaming please. If you dont like my story dont read it. Also english is not my native language so there will be mistakes.

Twillight doesnt belong to me. S.M. owns it.

Hope you enjoy my story :) Review.

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**On the road that is called life**

Chapter 1

It's almost unbelievable how one second, one decision can change our whole life. That one second when we stand on the crossroad and think what path should we choose. What has the fate planned for us if we take the road on left? What will happen if we decide for the road on right? Everyone lives at least once through that moment. That moment when we break loose from the clutches of destiny and make our own decision. Decision, that even we didn't think to be possible. And that is the moment when everything changes. World changes. History, no, future starts rewriting itself, because we chose path on left, while fate has planned path on right.

But when we look back, we realize, that maybe this was all along the right path for us. Maybe this was all along our destiny. That's the reason we dint stop. We continue to go along the path we chose.

I experienced this one second. I made my decision. Decision, i never believed to do. I took the fate to my own hands. I chose the path. Was it right or wrong? I'll never know. But one thing is for sure it was the natural path.

The thing i remember most is, that it wasn't raining. It was worse than rain. The clouds were heavy with rain, but not one drop of water fell down. The day was dark and strangely quiet. People of Forks impatiently waited at home. For what did they wait? Maybe for the storm that was surely to come.

I wasn't an exception. I sat by the window and watched the cloudy sky. It was exactly one month and seven days from my birthday party. And it was exactly one month from the day Ed- from the day _he_ and his family left me.

When my thoughts went to that day, the pain in my chest intensified. I gasped and my hand went automatically to the place where it hurt. The place where my heart lies. Correction lied. Till the day when he came and ripped it out of my chest.

When he left and took his family with him, something inside of me died. He left an my will to live left with him. I wanted to lay down, fall asleep and never wake up.

I almost done it once. I mean almost killed myself. I desperately wanted to take the pills and sleep. Forever. But when i thought of this i immediately felt guilty. Not because of my promise to him. Promise i wont do anything reckless. But because of Charlie. I could not bare the thought of leaving him here alone after he just got me. I couldn't leave him. Not like this. I know that he would forever blame himself.

Charlie. It destroys him everyday to see me like this. I know it hurts him alot. But am i strong enough to stop this? Stop this zombie phase i got into? Its like i am not even living. Like i was dead. How does Charlie feel, when he sees that he is losing me more and more? I really loved Edward- the pain only after thinking his name was unbearable. But do i love him more than my own family? More than myself? Could i hurt Charlie because of him?

The answer should be easy.

No. Why should i love someone who didn't bother to love me? Some who left me despite all of his promises. Despite all declarations of love. He left me in a heartbeat, without warning, without goodbye. That isn't love. But i didn't want to admit this. I wanted to naively think that he loved me and he will come back for me.

„Hello? Bella?" I jumped in fright. I looked around to find source of the voice. I didn't know where it was coming from.

„Hey? Is someone there?" My eyes drifted to the small device, that was lying on the ground. I bend down and picked it. It was my mobile phone. I had to drop it when i jumped. I hesitated only for moment before pressing it to my ear.

„Yea?" I cringed. My voice sounded terrible even to me, i didn't use it for some time after all.

„Bella, finally, did something happen?" voice on the other line was full of worries.

„Mom?" i had to subconsciously dial her number.

„Bells is everything alright? I am so happy you are calling. Did you finally stop grieving after that boy? Listen, sweetie, it isn't worth it. To throw away your life because of someone like him. You evidently wasn't worth enough for him to stay with you. Life goes on. It won't stop and wait for you, honey. Every day you are older, don't waste your youth, because of someone who didn't want you." _Older_. Renee's words hit me like a bolt. I am getting older each day, while he enjoys his immortal life somewhere without me by his side. Without poor, clumsy, human Bella. Human that only endangers him and his family.

„Bells are you there? Do you hear me baby girl?" That brought me back to reality. All of sudden i knew what to do.

„Mom listen, you are right. I can't live like this anymore. I have to forget and go on. I have to get on with my life, study, find job, find new, better friends and maybe when luck will be on my side, i can after some years of forgetting move on and fall in love again. But i can't do this here." When i said this i heard mother gasp.

„Do you mean, that you will move into Jacksonville with me and Phil? Oh Bella, you can't even imagine how happy, that makes me. You will really like it here. Theres a lot of sun here and-" Renee started to fire world after world. She was probably really happy, when she thought that i want to move in with her. But that wasn't what i had in mind.

„No, mom, wait, slow down, take a breath. That's not what i meant." She was a lot confused now, i could tell.

„Than what did you mean? If you want to live with your aunt Susan i don't think it's good idea. You know that she is very-"

I had to stop her again. She should know that i would never live with my aunt.

„Did you sell our old house in Phoenix?" i asked her straightly.

„Oh. Bells, you know that i really like Phoenix, but me and Phil, we cant go back, honey. I know that you really miss it, but Phil has a lot of important matches, so-"

„No, mom, I want to move there alone." Gosh my mom could be really talkative when she wanted to. When she is excited about something she can gush out hundred words per second. On the other hand, I would probably bite my tongue with my clumsiness.

But now Renee was silent. That was new. My proposal probably took her by surprise.

„Mom, you know that i can take care of myself. And i know a lot of people there, so i wont' have to meet new people. I know Phoenix like the back of my hand so i don't have to worry about getting lost. And university in Phoenix have pretty decent Psychology courses. It would really be the best solution." I tried to convince her. I really wanted to do this. I don't know if i can face Forks after what happened. Now when i am at least little normal i will surely hear all the rumors. When i was complete zombie i didn't take notice of anything, so all rumors went past me. But now when i woke up it will be different. Everything will hurt more. Not only rumors, but the memories.

I heard Renee sigh.

„I know you can take care of yourself, baby girl. Even better than i could," she laughed, „I just worry about you. I don't know if you are truly prepared to live alone."

We both knew it wasn't true. I was more than prepared. Well, the old Bella was. She probably wasn't convinced that i am alright now. But i can't really blame her for it.

„Mom. Look i am 18 now so i am almost adult. We will try this, and if it won't work i will move in with you and Phil or back here. You just have to reserve me a ticket and i will take care of everything else." That is true. I will have to end my school here and apply for senior year in Phoenix. Also, i will have to find some job. I can't take money from Charlie and Renee forever.

„And what about Charlie? Did you tell him? You know that he just got you back. Now he will have to let you go again. Do you really want to do this to him?" Thank you very much, mom. I was feeling guilty even without your help.

„I will explain everything to Charlie. He will understand." At least i hope so. I will explain that it will be only for a few years. I will come back. Maybe after college.

„Fine. You won. I will send you information tomorrow about your flight. You will tell me how is everything going in Forks. Do you understand?"

„Yes. Don't worry. I love you, mom. Bye."

"Oh, i love you too sweetie. Take care."

I hanged up with a sigh. Conversations with Renee were always exhausting. I smiled slightly. During the whole conversation i didn't think of him once. Healing my broken heart will take long, but i could see that it isn't impossible. Maybe one day he will be distant memory, like he said. One day i could think their names without the pain. One day i will be able to look them in the eyes and say: I did what you wanted me to do. I started to live my live, i moved on. And now i am more happy than ever. Good bye.

But that won't happen for a long time.

I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling. Thoughts were swirling in my head like a tornado. I sighed and sat up. There's no point in avoiding it. It's time to tell Charlie about everything.


End file.
